This Mother's Day

This Mother's Day seems a bit different the second time around.  Last year, it was my first.  And I felt like I deserved it.  I had birthed this beautiful baby boy into the world and had the battle scars to prove it.  I had survived my first year and I was finally starting to really feel like a mom.

I've always thought of Mother's Day as a time to celebrate our moms.  To thank them for all of their love and support through the years.  To spoil and pamper them, rightfully so.  But I can't help but think about what this is all really about.  It's about that beautiful baby.  Without him, I would just be a girl, living a pretty ordinary life.  Without him, I would not be a mother.

Last night, I was putting Ethan to bed and he was playing a game that he has come to know, very well.  He gets super cuddly and kissy...asking me to read just one more book, or give him one last back rub.  We say our goodnights, and then I shut the door.  That's when the crying starts.  He will wail away for us...calling for mama.  Then calling for dada.  It breaks my heart.  We'll go in to soothe him several time, but he's learned by now that it's all part of the game.  I guess, what I'm trying to say, is that bedtime is tough!

And I would normally be here, ranting and raving about how tough motherhood is.  But this year, I just can't.

One week ago, a son was taken from his parents in the blink of an eye.  One minute he was running around, laughing and playing, and the next minute he was just...gone.  Running out to grab his frisbee...just at the wrong place, at the wrong time.

I can't even begin to imagine what that loss is like.  How empty the house must seem.  How unbearable walking past his room will be.  That awful silence.  I just can't even bear to think about it.

And I know that mother would give anything in the world to hear those wails.  To come to her son's rescue and soothe him once more at bedtime.

I am grateful, and yet so sad.  Death is so permanent.  There are no second chances.  There is no reset button.  There are only memories.  Beautiful memories.  But there is also a giant, gaping hole too.  

Everyone, through the help of social media, is mourning the loss of that sweet red-headed boy, Ryan.  Many of us are also mourning over the recent passing of sweet SUPER TEDDY too.  I will be thinking of both mothers this Sunday.  I will be hugging Ethan just a little bit tighter...and showing more patience and compassion in light of these tragedies.  I hate to say it, but it's in these moments that we truly realize how much we have and how tragic loss really is.  

I know this Sunday is about moms, but I will be thanking my lucky stars that I have my sweet little boy in my arms.

Happy Mother's Day

xo natasha